Scarring Secrets
by pretty in orange
Summary: She fell from high school grace and now she's watching him fall in the worst way imaginable... Full summary inside, 4XD Dark and AU.
1. Chapter 1

Full summary: Dorothy Catalonia was untouchable at her high school, and then she fell from grace at the hands of a nasty rumor. Now, her only friendship lies with the artistic and soft-spoken Quatre Winner, who Dorothy is noticing something increasingly strange about... AU Quatre/Dorothy T for language and probably disturbing scenes.

A/N: For some reason I decided I wanted another fanfiction project. I don't know why since having four projects on rotation nearly killed me. I believe it all started with wingzerohuggles' Quatre/Dorothy video to a Fall Out Boy song. Anyway, lets get started before I bore you guys to death.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or make a profit from this.

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><p>"Oh, paper cut?" I dug in my purse for a band-aid as my best friend, Quatre Winner, toyed with the edges of the cut.<p>

I'm Dorothy Catalonia, and I used to be queen bitch of this high school. Now I've been degraded to the mutt section – AKA the nerds – because my best friend got mad and spread a rumor that I spread my legs to any guy that asked.

That caused numerous other problems for me, but we'll get to that later.

"Don't pick at it, you'll make it worse." I slapped Quatre's uninjured hand away from the one with the paper cut and put the band-aid on his finger.

"Thank you, Dorothy." Quatre gave me a shaky smile and then peered down at our collage. "Is Ms. Lake really going to like this?"

"The idea was to combine two things so effectively that they looked as if they were one." I explained. For an artistic nerd, Quatre sure gave me a lot of trouble about these things. "We chose to do a collage of our lives, and it looks fine."

He mumbled something I didn't quite catch, but I didn't ask. Sometimes Quatre just talked to himself, and I had learned that no matter of cooing or yelling- or any combination - would make him tell you what he said. It was a battle you would lose every time, every way.

"Don't look so sad. I promise we won't get a bad grade on this." I crawled over to him and hugged him tightly. We had only started to get to know each other a little less than a month before, but he seemed pretty damn attached to me. Considering he only talked to one other person, Trowa Barton the poster child for emo, his attachment to me was obvious.

"I'm not sad." Quatre murmured, and he gave me a bright smile. It was fake, I could tell though.

"I know you." I hadn't let him go yet, and didn't intend to until I got an answer. "Don't mess with the fox, you'll get the teeth."

Quatre looked away, but as he struggled out of my grip I grabbed his wrist. Consequently, his sleeve got pushed up in the struggle, and I realized that there were scars – and fresh cuts – all over his wrist.

"Quatre..." I began slowly, my anger building. "You idiot!" Despite my harsh words, I pulled him into a tight hug. "Stop it. This doesn't resolve any problems. You know better than to do something like that to yourself, what's wrong with you?"

"You don't understand..." Quatre whispered, his voice edgy. "You don't get it, you just don't."

"What don't I get?" I locked my arms around him like iron bars. "Tell me what I don't get so I can get it, Quatre. I want to help you."

"I... I killed my mother." Quatre whispered. "It's my fault she's dead. I can't stop, alright?"

I took a deep breath in, because even I knew Quatre wasn't a murderer. "What do you mean?"

He avoided my gaze and then slowly began...

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><p>AN: Be aware that all is not as it seems. If you know what's going on, I'm proud of you for making the connection. Yes, this is going to be an incredibly dark fanfic, but I will try my best to keep it rated T. Anyway, anyone want to give me their opinion?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you to Truish for reviewing! For anyone else who made it to this second chapter, this is not my everyday fluff. But I think you know that by now, so lets get started.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, and I make zero profit from this.

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><p>"My mother died shortly after I was born..." Quatre began slowly. "My father killed her because he swore she had cheated on him, and that I wasn't his child. He told me once that a bitch that couldn't stay faithful didn't deserve to live." Quatre rubbed his eyes to wipe away the tears. "It's my fault, if I had been born looking like my father, then my Mother would've lived."<p>

"That's not something you get to choose." I sighed, though I could understand where the obsession had come from. As a child I had been bullied, so when I got into high school I made myself popular. Then, when the rumor spread, I had thought it was my fault, that I had done something to cause it.

Quatre wouldn't look at me. He was staring at the cuts on his wrist, tears leaking from his eyes. "It's my fault. It's all my fault, everything is."

"You don't get to choose what you look like, Quatre." I hugged him tightly. "Do you think I would've chosen these eyebrows if I could've chosen?"

"I did something." Quatre shook his head and went to scratch the cuts on his arm open.

"Stop it!" I backhanded him on the knuckles, which in reality probably hurt both of us around the same, but he recoiled. "Quatre, you're an idiot for wanting to hurt yourself. An _idiot._" I felt hot tears slip down my face and went to swipe them away as Quatre blinked in astonishment. "Who are you even staying with that lets you get away with this?"

"My aunt on my Mother's side, Kiera." Quatre finally met my eyes, and at this point we were both crying. "She's never home."

"You're going to stay here from now on, at least until this..." I motioned to his wrist. "Stops."

"I'm not going to kill myself." He whispered. "Can't I just... it helps."

"No friend of mine hurts themselves and no friend of mine would get away with it on my watch." I took his hands and yanked him to his feet. "Come on, you're going to let me clean those up."

"Dorothy... I can't stop." Quatre whispered. "It was my fault. It's still my fault, and it's my fault that I can't stop. I don't want you involved. You don't need to get involved."

"Too bad." I closed the lid on the toilet, forced him to sit, and stuck his arm out over the sink. Pushing his sleeve up, I added, "You've got me, and that isn't going to change."

Quatre looked away. "I want to thank you... but I can't. I don't want to give it up."

"You'll thank me later." I poured some peroxide over the cuts, letting it drip off. "I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner, though."

Quatre didn't say anything; he just let me clean out the cuts. He didn't flinch even as I rubbed the angriest ones down with Neosporin, but when I paused in my work I realized he was shaking. I glanced at him and realized he had started crying again.

"Don't cry." I muttered, trying to remain calm. "It'll be over in a minute."

"Nobody... nobody has ever cared this much." Quatre tipped his head down, trying to avoid looking at me. "Why do you care so much?"

"Because I don't want to lose you." I turned back to his arm and began winding some gauze around his wrist. "And don't bullshit me and say you're not going to kill yourself, this kind of cutting isn't just a cry for attention."

"How do you know?" His voice shook and I could hear him sniffling.

"You're not the first cutter I've known. That's all I'm going to say for now." I taped the gauze off and pulled his sleeve back up.

With my Dad who-knows-where and my Mom on a singles cruise, we had the house to ourselves. All the better to get him to talk...

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><p>AN: Yes, this is dark. Sadly, it's realistic. Will you please tell me what you think? I love hearing from you! And thank you so much for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I've been up way too long, and I'm worried about messing this up, but I wanted to add to everything at least once today. And I already did my fiction projects twice.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and I make no profit from this.

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><p>"Quatre, if you touch those bandages one more time I'm going to slap you so hard your head spins." I threatened, and sadly it wasn't even idle. "I'm not joking either."<p>

"Sorry..." Quatre folded his hands in his lap. "This time of day... I usually cut."

We had gone and gotten him some clothes and such from his house so he could stay at my house, but I had gone through his luggage to get rid of anything sharp enough to cause injury.

And there we were, lying on my bed together. It was completely innocent of course, since we didn't even think of each other like that. Not at the time anyway.

"We're going to break the cycle." I grabbed his hands and held them so he didn't have any way to hurt himself. "You don't need to hurt yourself. You're a bright, articulate, wonderful, kind, artistic guy, and you don't need to hurt yourself."

"You're usually nice... but..." Quatre began, his voice a mere whisper. "You're not usually this nice. Why... I don't get it."

"We're not talking about that right now." I growled, and that shut him up. "When did you start cutting?"

"Last year, after I visited my father. He's in prison." Quatre squeezed my hands at the mere mention of his father. "He told me all these horrible things... and when I came home, I just felt like there was too much pressure and I had to take it out on something. I... I chose myself."

"That was when it all began, huh?" I swallowed hard, thinking of Quatre taking a razor and slicing his arm up for the first time. "Quatre, you should never take things like that out on yourself. You don't deserve any more pain. The world is doling out more than enough to you, you don't need any extra."

Quatre's hands went into a deathgrip on mine and we locked eyes. "I feel like I deserve it. all these emotions... they just build up, and I can't stand it. When I see the blood well up, it's like releasing those feelings."

"Well, I'm going to teach you other ways to release those feelings." I was trying not to let my feelings cloud my judgment, but it was harder than I thought. "You can actually draw to help you out on that. I know you like art..."

"Thank you." Quatre whispered, curling up against me. "Thank you Dorothy."

I wouldn't let what happened to my sister get in the way of helping Quatre, I just wouldn't.

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><p>AN: I hope you liked it, though it was dark as the ones that preceded it. Leave me a review if you will and I have to jet. Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Trying to get an update on everything in one day is torturous. On a lighter note, I hope you're enjoying this story, as dark as it is. It will get a bit lighter towards the end, I think. On to the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, and I make no profit from this.

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><p>I reasoned that it would make sense if we slept in the same bed, that way I could keep an eye on Quatre and I would be right there if he needed me.<p>

But when I woke up at exactly midnight, Quatre had disappeared.

I heard someone playing the piano and I crept down the hall, peering into the music room. Quatre sat there, eyes closed, fingers dancing over the grand piano.

I closed my eyes for a moment too; the sound was enough to lull me to sleep standing if I wasn't careful.

I blinked after a moment, the song had become familiar. I began to sing the lullaby that I had heard as a child, the music and my voice matching almost perfectly, though my singing voice had never been completely perfect.

The lullaby ended and I whispered the last words that had been on the recorded version of the lullaby, since my Mother had never actually sang to me. I heard Quatre's voice meld and wind around my own, and I blinked to see him standing in front of me.

"I didn't mean to wake you, Dorothy, I'm sorry." Quatre gave me a guilty look like a puppy that had piddled on the new carpet. "I'm sorry, I'll come back to bed."

"You better." My threatening tone was ruined when I yawned. "Let me see your arm first."

Quatre willingly held out his arm, and I was relieved to see all the bandages were still neatly in place. "Music calms me." He explained in a whisper, and let me lead him back to my room.

"If you need to go to the music room then wake me up next time." I yanked him back down onto the bed, my heart still pounding from the panic that had nearly taken over when I had found him gone.

"Dorothy?" Quatre asked tentatively as I flicked off the light and squeezed him against me. "Will... will it ever stop?"

"Yes." I said, though it was a lie, at least from what I knew. "Go back to sleep."

He lay there, twitchy and unsure for about half an hour, and then he drifted off. I made sure he was going to stay asleep, and then I let myself fade into sleep.

In the dream, it was years ago.

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><p><em>"Rosalie!" I jumped up and down at my older sister's door. "Rose, Rose, Rose!" I waved my A plus paper at the door as if she could see it. "Rose, can I come in? Rose!" I walked in without her permission, as Mother had told me so many times not to do.<em>

_Rosalie Catalonia was facedown in a puddle of blood that had escaped through long slices on her arms. I touched her cheek lightly and she was cold. My shaking, 7-year-old hand drew back._

"_Rosalie!" I screamed, I cried, until Mother came. She called the ambulance, but even I knew it was too late. I stood there, staring at the puddle of blood. This was my sister. This was all that was left of her, really, all that they hadn't taken away. She was gone, and she had done it herself. I had known... I shouldn't have let her-_

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><p>"Dorothy!" Quatre was shaking me, and I felt my scream cut off. "Dorothy, what happened?"<p>

"I don't want to talk about it." I wiped tears off my cheeks and sat up, trying to keep my breathing even.

Quatre gave me the "hypocrite" look and I sighed.

"I was dreaming about my sister's death." I hugged Quatre tightly, probably tighter than I meant to. "Please, please don't kill yourself. I wouldn't be able to take it, so just don't even think about it, ok?"

Quatre pulled back and regarded me with quiet eyes. "Dorothy, if I died, what would you do?" It wasn't a question that implied something as far as I could tell, but I knew I had to step carefully still.

"I don't know. Probably something brash and reckless." I took a deep breath; I didn't need to be talking about this right now. "But I do know, I'd be very upset. Suicide is a selfish thing, and you're not a selfish person, Quatre. Don't change your ways now."

Quatre smiled sadly. "Sometimes I feel it's all my fault." He whispered, hugging me close again.

"Yeah." I said, feeling tears spring to my eyes. "I understand that."

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><p>AN: Man, this is a dark story. I try my best to make sure it has its light moments, but I feel like I'm not doing a good job. Anyway, tell me what I can do to improve? And thank you so much for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Trying my best to get an add on everything before it starts storming, if it does. The weather is crazy here. Anyway, in other news, I'm debating changing the title. I don't know, what do you guys think?

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and I make no profit from this.

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><p>The next morning, Quatre and I managed to get to school on time and make sure his bandages weren't noticed. Trowa, however, was asking questions about why we came in the same car, and while Quatre stuttered, unsure what to say, I grabbed his arm and dragged him away.<p>

"Don't stutter like that." I muttered as I dragged him towards our next class. "It'll make people suspicious."

"Sorry." Quatre murmured, and allowed himself to be dragged.

"Hey look!" Bitch-whose-name-is-too-unholy-for-my-tongue, AKA my ex best friend, yelled. "Dorothy is screwing the nerds now! You're too horny to just stop, aren't you Dorothy?"

Even without looking at him, I knew Quatre's face was turning a vibrant shade of red, either scarlet or cherry.

"Ignore them." I hissed as I pulled him into a spot between some lockers. "They're my problem, not yours, ok? Just ignore them."

I told myself if I could get Quatre somewhere safe, I could beat the shit out of those girls later. It wasn't likely that I would just leave him somewhere without supervision, but it was nice to be able to at least think about getting payback.

The rest of the school day alternated between dragging by and blurring by. On the drive home, we were silent until I pulled onto my street and Quatre whispered, "I hate it."

"You hate what?" I eased the car into the driveway and yanked the key out. We sat there for a few quiet moments, and neither of us said anything. "Come on, Quatre, say it. I'm not going to sit in this car all day."

"I hate that I can't stop." Quatre whispered; his hands knotted on the straps of his bag. "It's... it's hard hiding this."

"Yeah. I know." I reached over and gently unknotted his left hand from his backpack, holding it tightly. "Let's go inside."

"Are you mad, Dorothy?" Quatre's hand tightened on mine. "Those girls thought we were romantically involved because you're always around me. Are you mad that you have to watch over me so carefully?"

"Those girls are the biggest sluts in the school, they have no right to judge me." I opened my door. "Get your bag, we're going inside."

"You're mad." Quatre murmured, but he got his bag and followed me inside, not like he had a choice. "I'm sorry, Dorothy. I never meant to hurt you."

I spun on the porch step, hugging him tightly. "I am not mad at you, I'm mad at them. Don't say I'm mad at you unless I say I'm mad at you. I don't want to hear it ok?" I felt tears spring to my eyes and I spun back around, tugging him up the porch steps. "Don't say that ok, I love you. Don't say that."

I didn't realize what I had said until I shut the door and saw Quatre looking at me with wide eyes.

Shit.

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><p>AN: Another short chapter. If anyone's interested I'm going to be over on my one-shot collections the next few hours until I go to bed, those are two Vampire Knight ones and a Suika Naruto one. Anyway, big development in this chapter, who wants to say what they think?


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thank you to everyone who reviewed, and I'm trying desperately to get this up before midnight like I promised.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or make a profit from this.

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><p>"I didn't mean..." I took a deep breath and started over. "Damn it, you're my best friend in the world, why can't I love you?"<p>

Quatre still stood there, like a deer in the headlights, frozen. He had the expression on his face of someone that knew they were about to be slapped in the face, like he knew I was about to take my I love you back.

I wouldn't go quite that far.

"Friendship is platonic love." I tried to explain, more to myself than him, really, since he wasn't responding. "I won't say it if you don't want me to." I added in a softer voice.

Quatre looked away finally, his eyes shifting and starting to glisten. "You can take it back if you want to." He whispered, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve. "I don't mind."

"Yes, you do." I pulled him into a hug and held him tightly. "Don't lie to me. Nobody ever wants to hear an I love you taken back."

"No, I understand if you don't love me." Quatre was clearly trying to remain calm, but his voice was thick with the onslaught of tears that were soaking into the shoulder of my t-shirt.

"I do..." I mumbled, and then told the biggest lie of my life. "Just not like that." I followed it up with a truth, "You're my best friend in the world, Quatre, of course I love you," and another lie, "I just don't see you like that."

Quatre was quiet as he cried into my shoulder. Normally, I would think it's a wussy thing for a guy to do, but he had been through so much, I didn't see it that way. I saw it that he had been through a lot and needed a release.

"Maybe someday..." I began, realizing how cheap I sounded. I plundered on without changing what I had said though, after all, I wanted to make him feel loved. "Maybe someday, I could love you like that. I just, you're my best friend right now, Quatre, and I don't want to screw that up." I felt a hot, sharp pain in my chest and then tears fighting at my eyes as well.

"Yeah." Quatre dried his eyes and stepped back. "It's probably best right now anyway."

Damn straight. I couldn't date a cutter, not when I had lost my sister to the self-abuse. Still, I wanted to help him, and I could do that by being his friend, no matter what happened.

"Quatre." I whispered. "Quatre, you're bleeding." I realized that he had scrubbed his arm across his eyes, rubbing the cuts open, and now the blood was seeping through the bandages and his sleeve. "Come on." I tugged him gently back into the bathroom. "Come on, let's take care of that."

Just like I would always take care of him.

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><p>AN: Short, I know, but I wanted to get this up before midnight, because I promised an add today. So, please take a moment to review, and I'll try to reply in an acceptable timeframe.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thank you to everyone who's reviewed, put this story on alerts and favorites. Don't worry, this isn't the end, I just want to thank everyone. Anyway, on with the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and I make no profit from this.

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><p>After Quatre's arm was cleaned, rubbed with Neosporin, and re-bandaged we ended up in the library, since it was hot outside and the library was the coolest room in the house.<p>

"Your family must be so rich, Dorothy." Quatre murmured as he ran his fingers along the spines of a shelf of historical art books. "I would love to have a library like this..."

"It's alright." I shrugged. "I don't really care about it. Everything sucks when you don't have a nice family to share it with."

Quatre perched himself next to me on the couch. "Where are your parents again?" He held my hand gently.

"Dad, I have no clue. He got the hell out of here after what happened to my sister." I shrugged again, that was hard to talk about. "Mom is on a single's cruise. She does that at least once every two months, looking for love."

"Then who takes care of you?" Quatre's eyes had gone wide and owlish.

"I can take care of myself." I managed a smile for him; I didn't want to bring him down. "Besides, I have a few maids who come in every once in a while and help with chores. It's not a big deal to be left on my own, really, I'm used to it."

Quatre gave me a kiss on the cheek, and I felt my face turn hot. I hadn't expected that, and though it wasn't like I had never been kissed before, I was shocked.

"Um..." I blinked, trying desperately to turn the furnace in my face down. "What was that for?"

"Because," Quatre gave me a shaky smile, "I wanted you to know that no matter what happens with your family, you've got me. You've been so good to me, I'll never be able to repay you."

"Don't try to repay me." I felt myself laugh, shakily, and felt as if my walls were crashing down. "I don't want a friendship based on payment."

Quatre gave me a look, like maybe he was a little surprised.

I couldn't help myself; I hugged him tightly, though I was holding back my tears. This was so much like my sister's story... I could barely stand it.

But I could fix him; I knew I could. If we both just tried, I could turn this around for both of us.

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><p>AN: I think we're getting close to winding down. My other story that I started at the same time is getting close too, so soon we'll see some new stories up. Anyone excited? And I would love it if you would leave a review; it only takes a moment. Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: This is the last add of the night, but I'm not completely insane yet. At the moment. Anyway, thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed, honestly, you guys kept me writing throughout all the stress of how dark this is. Thank you, everyone.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, and I make no profit from this.

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><p>That night, after I let Quatre play his heart out in the music room, we curled up in my bed.<p>

He fell right to sleep, thank God, but I couldn't manage to nod off. My eyelids dropped but my brain wouldn't shut off. I thought about Rosalie, and how my parents both acted like I wasn't important. I thought about plans for the future, what needed to happen over the weekend, and the one thing I wanted to avoid; what would happen if I couldn't fix Quatre on my own.

I would have to rat him out to his Aunt, and I didn't want to turn Quatre against me. Then again, it wasn't like I could commit him to a mental hospital myself, I didn't have any authority over him except the friendship I had with him.

"Dorothy, go to sleep." Quatre muttered, waking up a little to pull me down and hug me up against him. My fingers spread across his chest, relishing the feel of his heart beating so close to mine.

"Shh, sleep." I murmured, though I felt awkward having settled in _his _arms. After all, wasn't he the one that needed to be comforted? I didn't move though, he didn't need to be woken up again.

Somehow, the warmth and his heartbeat lulled me into some kind of security. He was alive, he was there, and I would notice if he was gone, even in my sleep.

There was silence as he cuddled closer to me, and as we both started to drift off again.

This time, when darkness consumed me, I didn't remember any of my dreams in the morning.

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><p>It took two more weeks. In that long, all Quatre's cuts healed and the bandages came off. He didn't try to cut again, and he was still living at my house. We had tried to sleep in separate beds, but the result had been disastrous, we both had nightmares.<p>

I had even found myself a friend near the end of those two weeks, a girl who had been cast out of the populars, Relena Darlian. She had been thrown out of the group in a similar way, with rumors being spread about her being a boyfriend stealer.

Friday evening, I found myself sitting on the front porch with Quatre. The sun was setting and we were alone. Across the street, some neighborhood kids were playing tag, and three houses down an elderly couple was sitting on their porch, holding hands.

"Do you find it weird... that we're not together and we do these kinds of things?" Quatre asked softly. "Would you want to..." He trailed off, looking at me.

I had leaned in, so close that our noses were brushing. "Tilt your head to the right and be quiet." I whispered, kissing him, gently at first, and then with a heated passion.

We shared our first kiss, and our second and third, there on the front porch of my house. Of all the things we had shared, scarring secrets, nights together and physical scars, we had made it through. We had made it to love, and one day, the scars of all kinds would fade.

But our love never would.

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><p>AN: Yes, that is the end, no there not will be an epilogue, and yes, I want to know what you think.


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